So, I have two girls: A seven year old I liken to Laura Ingalls off "Little House on the Prairie" and my three year old I liken to a chimpanzee at the zoo. You've seen them, those cute hairy little fellas with their hand stretching through the bars " I just want to be your friend". Then they grab you and beat you senseless with your own arm they just ripped off. Two very different personalities.
So, the other night I am relaxing watching telly after just putting the kids to bed. Every couple of minutes, both girls come out of their room in some perverse synchronisation, to tell me why they can't fall asleep. "I'm thirsty, I'm hot, I'm itchy, I need more water, you get my point. This song and dance normally lasts for ten minutes, its like Groundhog day every bloody night. However, last night was a little bit different. My older daughter comes out of her room, half asleep and says "Mum, I feel something in my hair, some sticky out thingy". I almost send her back to bed, when an inner voice, ( all mums have them) in a sing-song sort of way, says, " You're gonna wanna see this". So, I get up from the couch, go into the hall where the light is on and slowly start separating her hair. Then I see it. But, I am not sure exactly sure what I am seeing. It looks like a skin tag-thingy that old people get around their eyes, but as I peer in for a closer look, I see its got legs-that are moving-frantically. That's when I mime screamed. That's a scream where no sound comes out, so you don't scare those around you. I immediately tap into my inner "Mary Poppins" persona and say, "Now Darling, stay right here whilst I have a quick chat with Daddy. There is absolutely nothing to panic about."
So, I burst into the room where my husband Scotty is and say in my very best stage whisper " Don't freak out! There is a bug burrowing into our daughters head and its piggin huge!" Scott's feet don't touch the ground, he literally flies to where our daughter is standing. Have I mentioned that Scotty looks like Doogie Howser? It was kind of a surreal moment. He bends down, separates our daughters hair, has a play and a fiddle with unknown bug and whispers " I think its a tick.
In England the part I lived, does not have have ticks, with weather even they don't want to live there. We have other gross/gnarly stuff, but not ticks. All I know, is that at this moment, some creature is burrowing into her head, possibly her brain, with a plan to lay a million babies. I will be the feature story tomorrow on the "Today show" chatting with Matt Lauer on what a crappy mum I am and how am I going to handle the onslaught of hate mail from all the "good mums", who would never have let this happen to their child.
So, at 8.30 at night I drive to the ER. I drove like I was in the Indy 500. Each turn I made, I yelled, "lean into it!", so that all four tyres stayed on the ground. Now, at the ER you go in, right your name and ailment on a piece of paper and pop it into a charming wicker basket, upside-down for privacy. I wrote, 'Creature burrowing into brain", needless to say we were seen immediately. We became the freak show at the circus. Everyone and I mean everyone , wanted to see the kid with engorged tick in her head. At one point I thought about charging a dollar a looksie, but thought that might be tacky.
Short story, after three long and wonderful hours at the ER we returned home. We were spent. My daughter got to keep the alive tick in a specimen jar. She named it "Tick Tac Toe."
